If you’ve ever performed belly dance in a restaurant setting, chances are you’ve encountered a guest who crosses boundaries that are otherwise clear to everyone else. Whether due to intoxication, lack of awareness, or simple disregard for etiquette, these moments can disrupt your performance, shift your energy, and affect the overall experience for the rest of your audience.
Rather than letting these situations escalate, I’ve found that a quick, confident response - delivered with humor or grace - can often redirect the energy and maintain the positive atmosphere.
For example, if someone tries to tip with their mouth, I’ll quickly remove the tip, wag a playful finger, and say “no no no,” then wink at their friend and move to another part of the room. It’s lighthearted, but it sets a clear boundary.
At a fire show once, someone jokingly asked for a lap dance. I responded, “Next song!” and returned with a fire belt swinging, asking, “Still want that dance?” It got a laugh and shifted the tone.
Sometimes, a well-timed facial expression says more than words. And when someone shouted, “It’s his birthday! Give him a lap dance!” I replied, “I don’t know how to dance like an American—show me!” When she declined, saying, “Ew, he’s my brother!” I said, “Mine too! Let’s dance together, sis!” and taught her a shimmy.
Of course, not all situations are harmless. There have been times when someone crossed a serious line - like the time a man physically picked me up mid-set. In those cases, it’s important to use a firm voice or call for security. Safety always comes first.
Whenever possible, though, I try to assume good intent and redirect behavior that may stem from ignorance or overexcitement. A gentle correction can preserve the joy of the performance while keeping everyone comfortable.
A Practical Tip for Extra Safety:
Bring a trusted friend to act as a personal security presence. You'd be surprised at how many people in your social circle would be honored to support you in this way. Even just having someone nearby can make a big difference. For added visibility, you can pick up a basic “Security” T-shirt from an army surplus store - this small detail can help deter inappropriate behavior before it starts.
Community Awareness Matters:
Have you had an incident that escalated beyond a cheeky correction or could be considered a safety concern for other dancers in the community? Please report it. Sharing this information helps others stay vigilant and creates a safer environment for everyone.
Ultimately, our goal is to share the beauty of this dance in a way that’s empowering and respectful - for ourselves and our audiences.
